My first Tongan Birthday

On Saturday afternoon I was in my room malolo (resting/napping- one of my favorite Tongan words) after our night of kava and I got a telephone call from Mr. Gennaro, which was quite lovely. As I was hanging up the phone I got a bit sad- missing all of you and realizing this would be the first birthday I would spend away from family and friends- and teared up a bit, when my host mom burst into my room; the concept of privacy really does not translate into Tongan. She wanted to know what was wrong and if I was homesick, and I explained as well as I could (she speaks very little English, and I speak even less Tongan) that my boyfriend had just called for my birthday tomorrow and I was just a little sad to be away from home on my birthday. Immediately, Helena (my host mother) freaked out because she didn’t know it was my birthday and started yelling to Samu, her husband. I hadn’t mentioned it before, precisely because I didn’t want them to do anything big or expensive, which they really can’t afford. Regardless, plans were immediately put into action to plan a big birthday dinner with all of their family and the PC trainees in Leimatua. That night we drove into town and spent about 3 hours driving from shop to shop to get all the food and ingredients necessary to prepare what I quickly realized was becoming a feast. As the whole family (Helena, Samu, Lei- 11, Tevita- 3, and Lose- 2) drove around in the minivan began to hear one word repeatedly in bits of the conversation I understood: puoka (pig). I asked why they were talking about puoka and they told me it was for my birthday.
Once we got home and were talking about plans for the next day, I began to understand that they were intending to kill a whole little pig, for me, in my honor, and bake it the next day in the umu (underground oven- every Sunday and for special occasions, Tongans dig an umu to bake traditional foods in). I immediately began to protest, but to no avail, as often seems to be the case. Then Samu sat down and explained to me that in their culture a whole pig at a meal is a sign of high respect. So, even though Tongans really only celebrate 1st and 21st birthdays, the fact that this was my first birthday in Tonga made it very important. He then reminded me how every Sunday people in the village bring the minister and town chief puoka from their umu, because it is important to show respect to them. I was so touched- I am so lucky to have such an amazing host family. They have been so kind and welcoming, and even when they dress me up in sparkly blue dresses with 80’s shoulder pads for church, I know it’s because they are trying to make me feel like part of the family. Then, Helena dropped the big question- she asked if I would eat the puoka the next day, and proceeded to tell me how happy it would make her. My immediate thought and reaction was one of sarcasm, which really doesn’t translate, so I told her I would think about it and that maybe I would. This just made her even more excited. Great, so now I had a pig who would be killed tomorrow because of me and a host mother who would be disappointed if I didn’t eat him and who was preparing a huge birthday feast just for me.
Sunday morning, the family was up at sunrise to begin preparations. Coconuts were husked and scraped, kumala, manioke, and hopa (all root crops/ dense carbohydrates) were peeled, tarrow leaves were de-veined and stuffed to make lu, and the umu was dug. I showered around 9 and ate a mango I found outside and proceeded to get decked out for church. When I asked Helena if they were going to get ready she told me they would not go to church today because they had a lot of work to do. If anything, this really made me realize what a big deal this was. Tongans may skip work and sleep through meetings, but come Sunday, they go to church. I was shocked. After the lovely 2 hour church service I came home and found the house in full swing, with neighbors helping out as well. Frustratingly, every time I tried to do something or help a different person would grab whatever I was doing from me and tell me I was tired and to go sleep. Then they brought the poor pig back home and killed him in the yard with a machette. It was sad, but pretty quick- I’ll give Tongans credit for a fast butchering job, but I was still feeling very guilty- I’m still sorry pig! Luckily, I had a few amazing phone calls J and after than, still being thwarted in my attempts to do anything useful, I went over to Melanie and Eric’s house with Scott (the four of them are my closest friends out of all the PC trainees) and we spent a few hours playing Tongan card games and hanging out with Valeti, Melanie and Eric’s host mother and the minister’s wife. I came back that evening, and food had been piled up everywhere. There was even a pelangi cake that Helena’s uncle had baked for the occasion. I helped with the cooking for a few hours, showered, and got dressed in my best Tongan outfit (I’ll get photos up as soon as I can!) and we set up the buffet table.
Helena’s family, the PC trainees, a current PCV who lives in Leimatua, Sarah, and my language teacher all came over, and eventually we started the celebration. First, there was a long prayer from Helena’s cousin’s father, who is a village elder, and a speech from her cousin’s husband, who is the principle of Vava’u high school- I was in very respectable company. After, the candles were lit, happy birthday was sung, by some in very broken English, and everyone jumped to the food table. Word of advice: do not get between Tongans and their food! The food was amazing (there was also even ice cream!) but the atmosphere was even better. All these people came to celebrate my birthday, some who I’d only met once before, some who are my closest friends here in Tonga, and from all of them I just felt so much love. It was really quite sad being away from all of you, but that night was the best night I’ve had in Tonga so far. And yes, I ate a bite of the poor pig, who was placed in the spot of honor- in the center of the table, whole, in a coconut leaf woven basket. I’ve never seen my host mother so happy. And while I’m still feeling a bit conflicted, if there were to be anything here I’d eat, given the reasons I stopped eating meat, it would be the pigs who run around the village and do as they please for most of their lives. Regardless, I was incredibly happy and am so grateful to my amazing host family for really making me feel at home, particularly on my birthday.